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2 Genesis, Chapter 17 - ROFLMAO!

2012-02-06T10:33:03Z

There's no doubt in my mind that you'd love to pass up all of this fascinating scripture, scroll quickly down and begin voraciously devouring Ammorite (Amurrite) information, but learn patience, Grasshopper, for it is written, "The great oak was not gnarled in a day and wet birds never fly at night." (I have no idea what that means, I read it on a fortune cookie the evening I got food poisoning.)
Let's get started, shall we?

"17:1 And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me and be thou perfect."

The guy's got a way with opening lines, hasn't he? Whatever happened to , "Hi, how ya doin'?" - guess they hadn't been invented yet. OK, so no visions this time, the old boy popped down in person for a live performance. So much for the myth about people dying when they see god - well, at least this god anyway.
Notes in The New American Bible, the Catholic version that usually is more forthcoming regarding inside information than the King James', relate that the phrase above, in the original Hebrew, was taken to mean, "God, the Almighty." I say, "taken to mean," because TNAB goes on to say that whatever the original phrase may have been, it was the, "traditional but incorrect rendering of the divine title, 'shaddai," of uncertain meaning." Actually, the meaning of the word, "shaddai," is not quite as mysterious as some may believe, as we will later learn. You may notice - but then again, you may not - that originally, I had used the phrase, "this Bible's god" regularly when referring to the supernatural entity so far mentioned in the Bible. Then I started referring to him only as "Abram's god" instead, simply because -- well, you'll see, as we continue with our study of the Amorites (Amurrites) --

"17:2 And I will make my covenant between me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly."

I thought they'd already made their covenant in the last chapter, what with all the killing and the splitting and the walking between the pieces, and the light show, which, I gotta tell you, was a bit over the top, but then I guess this omniscient god had never heard of "pinky-swear".

"17:3 And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying,
"17:4 As for me, my covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations.
"17:5 Neither anymore shall thy name be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.
"17:6 And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee."

    Hopefully not out of the same orifice he mentioned in Genesis, 15:4!
    Maybe it's because I don't think like a 99-year old Mesopotamian nomad, but what is this fixation with having so many descendants? That must be important to Abe, or his god wouldn't continually dangle the carrot in front of him. Nobody ever thinks of dangling a carrot in front of someone known to hate carrots. There are those who would say that Man's ego is responsible for the desire to be the source of many descendants, as that is our way of achieving some small degree of immortality. But with the big guy right there in front of him, wouldn't it have been simpler to just ask for another million or so years of life - why settle for a shred of DNA continuing on indefinitely, when he could actually be there in person?
    If I were a Hebrew story-writer, in captivity somewhere in a loft in beautiful downtown Babylon, anywhere from 900 BCE to 600 BCE, looking at how things are, and trying, for the purpose of my story, to imagine what events must have taken place in the distant past, to produce the situation before me, holding in my mind fragments of myths and legends that had been passed down to me, I would concoct a tale based on what I believed might motivate a man living a thousand years earlier. I could never be successful of course - the motivations of a man living in a different environment, under different circumstances, a millennium past, would forever elude me, and try as I might, the issues and mores of my own time would inevitably creep into the story line.
    You may also wonder why I care what Abram's motivation might have been, it's because this god is about to add a codicil to their contract, that, to agree to which, in my opinion, Abe would have to be highly motivated.
    Another quick side-note: The New American Bible says that, "Abram and Abraham are merely two forms of the same name, meaning 'the father is exalted'...." It continues, "The additional - 'ha' - in the form Abraham, is explained by folk etymology as coming from 'ab-hamon goyim,' 'father of a host of nations.'" The Jewish Encyclopedia confirms most of what TNAB said above, but adds that the name Abraham was not a Jewish name, "The name is personal, not tribal; it appears as a personal name in Babylonia in the time of Apil-Sin, about 2320 B.C.," and gives as its source: Meissner, "Beiträge zum Altbabylonischen Privatrecht," No. 111). Just in case you ever run across the question in your next rousing game of Trivial Pursuit.
    Meanwhile, back on the plains of Mamre:

"17:7 And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations, for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and unto thy seed after thee.
"17:8 And I will give unto thee and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, and all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession, and I will be their God.
"17:9 And God said unto Abraham, thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thee, and thy seed after thee in their generations."

OK, we've heard all of this before in the last chapter, so why the redundancy? It's simple, the big guy is about to drop a bombshell, and he wants to make sure Abe has all of the promised goodies fresh in his mind, thus avoiding an exclamation from Abe, such as, "Say WHAT!!!!!? Are thee out of thy freakin' MIND?!!!"
Are you ready?

"17:10 This is my covenant which thee shall keep, between me and thee, and thy seed after thee. Every man child among you shall be circumcised." (emphasis, most assuredly mine!)

Even as I typed this, I found that I involuntarily clamped my knees together. True story.
I have access to a video. It's only a little more than five minutes long, and I invite you to watch it. I could embed it here, but I'd prefer not to do so. Should any of you ever consider circumcising your sons, I'd strongly suggest you first watch this clip. Or you could do as I did and just watch part of it - I'm sure you'll get the idea. Just click on the image below and sit back - oh, you might want to turn the sound way down and you should probably forget the popcorn. Just keep in mind, this is what our loving god insists we do, if we expect to please him.

"17:11 And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of covenant betwixt me and you.

"17:12 And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child of your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.
"17:13 He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.
"17:14 And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant."

    What's the deal? Is this god starting a foreskin collection, or what? I've heard rumors that the world's biggest ball of twine is located on some farm in Nebraska - I guess you've got to go to heaven to see the world's biggest foreskin collection.
    Is he really suggesting that a 9-day old uncircumcised boy should "be cut off from his people," as having broken his bargain? This was never part of the butchered-meat agreement - can he just pull a Colombo and pop back in anytime he likes, with, "Oh, one more thing--"?
    Ever wonder how those wizened biblical scholars to which I've previously referred, determined that several different hands were at work in composing the Bible? By very careful observation, and I think I can give you a perfect example that I don't believe anyone has caught yet, at least not to my awareness. Take a look at verses 17:10-12, and tell me what's different about them from all of the others. I'm sorry, a little louder, I couldn't quite hear you - Ok, I'll tell you - I haven't scanned any of these biblical verses into the computer, I've typed each and every one of them, and those three verses above are the very first time in 17 chapters of that book, that I've ever typed the word, "you." A different author wrote those three verses. I have typed, "me and thee," until my fingers are stubby, and suddenly, it's "me and you." Interesting. Not earth-shattering exactly, but certainly interesting.
    It's also interesting to note that not only does this god not have any qualms about, nor provisions against, slavery, his casual statements on the subject above, indicate that child-trafficking isn't a particular concern with him either, which should have elated the pedophiles of the era. Religion - pedophiles -- that could start a trend!
    Now, as they say, for something from the lighter side of the news.

"17:15 And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be.
"17:16 And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her."

The Jewish Encyclopedia informs us that Sarai means, "the princess," while Sarah simply means, "princess" - think she noticed the difference?

"17:17 Then Abraham fell on his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?
"17:18 And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee!
"17:19 Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Issac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his seed after him.
"17:20 As for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation."

I can't help wondering if anyone has ever done a fact-check, to see if Ishmael actually did beget twelve princes.

"17:21 But my covenant will I establish with Issac, which Sarah shall bear unto thee at this set time in the next year.
"17:22 And he left off talking with him, and God went up from Abraham."

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!

"17:23 And Abraham took Ishmael his son and all that were born in his house, and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.
"17:24 And Abraham was ninety years old and nine when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.
"17:25 And Ishmael was thirteen years old when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.
"17:26 In the selfsame day was Abraham circumcised and Ishmael, his son.
"17:27 And all the men in his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him."

    And a good time was had by all. Can you imagine the reaction, when Abe came home and said to all of his hired hands, "Hey, Guys - guess what we're going to do today?!!"

    In 2, Chapter 17, we traced the history of Mesopotamia from its original settlement by the Sumerians around 8,000 BCE, who settled the Southern portion between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers near the Persian Gulf, through the migration into Northern Mesopotamia by nomadic Semitic tribes in 5,000 BCE. Eventually, there was conflict between the two cultures, and a king arose in Sumeria in 4500 En- (lord) Shag-Kushanna, who beat back the Semites. En-Shag-Kushanna established his kingdom at Lagash, and an unbroken line of kings ruled a united Sumeria for the next 500 years.
    After a relatively peaceful half-millennium, somewhere between 4,000 and 3,800 BCE, unrest among the lower classes within Sumer resulted in a revolt , headed by Urukagina, known as the first reformer, who seems to have sprung into power in Lagash as the leader of a peasants' revolution ("Sire, the peasants are revolting!" - "They certainly are!"). He initiated reforms there that, though they benefited those lower classes he championed, weakened the defenses of the city, which ultimately fell to the king of a rival city-state, and Urukagina with it, with the result that chaos again reigned in Mesoptamia.
    The last Sumerian king was Lugal-Zage-Si, who, during his 15-year reign, pursued a policy of expansion and opened a trade route from Mesopotamia, westward to the Mediterranean Sea.

The Empire of Lugal-Zage-Si

It was Sargon the Great, prominently mentioned in 2 Genesis, Chapter 10, who finally became the first Akkadian Semite to rule Mesopotamia, by defeating Lugal-Zage-Si.

Sargon

    Although Sargon was not overly fond of Lugal-Zage-Si, leading him through the streets of his own capital city in chains, he thought Lugal's idea of opening a trade route from the Tigris-Euphrates valley through to Canaan on the coast of the Mediterranean was an excellent idea, and reinforced the area with garrisons of soldiers to maintain his control. He and his forces marched the length of the coast, through what would one day be Israel, to the Red Sea, making alliances and conquests along the way. The Mesopotamian "Wild West" had finally been opened to civilization, and like the American West, soon began receiving settlers. After Sargon, his son was found weaker, and no Akkadian kingship after Sargon demonstrated his strength. Though Akkadians would continue to dominate Mesopotamia for another hundred or more years, the Akkadian grip on the area began a slow decline.
    Whenever they extended beyond the immediate Babylonian neighborhood, the military campaigns of the Akkadian kings were dictated primarily by trade interests rather than being intended to serve the conquests and safeguarding of an empire. Akkad, or more precisely the king, needed merchandise, money, and gold in order to finance wars, buildings, and the system of administration that he had instituted.
    Modern scholars know as little about the individual stages of this decline as about the rise of Akkad. One factor that contributed to its downfall was the invasion of the nomadic Amurrus (Amorites), called Martu by the Sumerians, from the northwest.
    And that's where we'll pick it up next time.

pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx

2 Genesis, Chapter 16 - "Call me Ishmael --"

2012-02-04T23:06:55Z

I know, I know, you're all anxious to learn more about Amorites (Amurrites), but let's wade through the chapter first. It's kinda like saving the desert until after the meal. You'll thank me later.

"16:1 Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had a handmaid, an Eqyptian, whose name was Hagar.
"16:2 And Sarai said unto Adam, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai."

I'll bet that was a tough sell!

"16:3 And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar, her maid, the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife."

The Catholic edition, The New American Bible, prefers that we believe, "...his wife Sairai took her maid, Hagar the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his concubine." (emphasis, mine)

"16:4 And he went in unto Hagar and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes."

You may have noticed that I get confused a lot, but the above verse confuses me even further - didn't we just read in Genesis, Chapter 17, that Abe, when told by a god-vision that his descendants would be more numerous than stars in the universe, "...believed in the Lord; and he counted it to him for righteousness"? So why is he taking matters into his own hands? Well, not into his own hands exactly, but definitely into something other than Sarai?
How in the world did the Mormons ever manage to pull it off? In my experience, two hetrosexual women under the same roof, never works out. Not an indictment ladies, just relating personal observations here. Ooops - looks like it didn't for Abe either --

"16:5 And Sarai said unto Abram, my wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid unto thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: The Lord judge between me and thee."

The New American Bible translates that last sentence just a bit differently, in that Sarai said, "The Lord decide between you and me!" The confrontational inference of that statement, as well as the added exclamation point, leads one to believe that Sarai was P.O.'d at Abe over Hagar's impudence. It also implies that Sarai was hardly the docile little tentwife one would expect, considering the times.

"16:6 But Abraham said unto Sarai, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she (Hagar) fled from her (Sarai's) face.
"16:7 And the angel of the lord found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness, by the fountain in the way to Shur."

The New American Bible has a slightly different take on that verse. Rather than, "...the angel of the lord found her by a fountain of water in the wilderness...," TNAB quotes the scripture as saying, "The Lord's messenger found her by a spring in the wilderness...." The New American Bible takes it a step further, and infers that the "messenger" was no angel at all, but rather a manifestation of god in Human form. Which begs the question as to why god would have to take Human form, when Genesis 1:27 tells us, "...God created man in his own image, in his own image created he him...." According to that, it was his form that Humans took! In fact, he was skipping about Earth, chatting up members of the Adam's family throughout the first few chapters of Genesis! All of those little inconsistencies certainly do add up, don't they?

   "16:8 And he said, Hagar, Sarai's maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai.
   "16:9 And the angel of the Lord said unto her, Return to thy mistress and submit thyself unto her hands.
   "16:10 And the angel of the Lord said unto her, I will multiply thy seed exceedingly, that it shall not be numbered for multitude.
   "16:11 And the angel of the Lord said unto her, Behold, thou art with a child, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the Lord hath heard thy affliction."

Let me just pop in here for a second, to remind everyone to remember the fact that the name, "Ishmael," is actually, Ishma-el, for reasons that will become clearer as we progress. Popping back out now --

"16:12 And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethern."

I'm thinkin', not with those kinds of personality problems! That kid's gonna be in Juvie somewhere before he's 12! Really gives Hagar a lot to look forward to, doesn't it?

"16:13 And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou seest me: for she said, have I here looked after him that seeth me?"

Now that verse might take a bit of explaining. Coming from a culture that had many gods and godlings, Hagar felt she was in the presence of a god, but not knowing which one, simply referred to him by a word or phrase that meant, "Thou seest me," or, "You see me."
The New American Bible offers a slightly different translation of the verse: "To the Lord who spoke to her she gave a name, saying, 'You are the God of Vision'; she meant, 'Have I really remained alive after my vision?'" TNAB informs us that the statement regarding remaining alive was based on an ancient belief that anyone seeing god, died.

   "16:14 Wherefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.
   "16:15 And Hagar bare Abram a son: and Abram called his son's name, which Hagar bare, Ishmael.
   "16:16 And Abram was fourscore and six years old when Hagar bare Ishmael to Abram."

    Not exactly a strong finish, was it? Hagar bore Abram's son when Abram was 86 years old - the end. After all of the drama, the finale was a bit anticlimactic.
    OK, time for the Amorites (Amurrites), but first, it's important to understand the basic background of Mesopotamia before the arrival of the Amurrites.
    I used this map in Chapter 6, (Part 4), to illustrate the extent of the actual great flood, rather than the impossible biblical one, so I'm going to trot it out again, simply because it's the only one I've found that has most of the cities of ancient Mesopotamia on it, and those are necessary for a complete understanding of the dynamics of the area in those times.

Ancient Mesopotamia
2900 BCE

    The first recorded settlements in Mesopotamia were in the southern portion c.8,000 BCE, or, according to the Bible, some 3,500 years before the universe was created (I guess the settlers hadn't read the book), in the cities of Nippur and Susa, in the area that would become Sumeria. Nippur is shown on the map, Susa, is not. By 6,000 BCE, Eridu, Lagash, and several other cities had been established.
    Around 5,000 BCE, there was a heavy Semitic migration into the area from the desert areas to the west. Those tribes settled in the northern areas yet unclaimed by the Southern settled cities of Sumer. Many of the Semites entered Sumeria simply as visitors, stayed, and merged into Sumerian culture. Others, more barbaric and less trustful, settled the Northern areas of Mesopotamia and established their own city-states.
    By 4,500 BCE, those of the North had begun to encroach on the Sumerians and were defeated by En-Shag-Kushanna, king of Sumer. Ironically, En-Shag-Kushanna is a Semitic name, obviously a descendant of one of the Semites who had peacefully merged with the Sumerians, and who had risen to power and fought for a Sumeria that had become his home. For the next 500 years, Sumer was ruled by a continual succession of kings, until about 4,000, when an internal uprising threw the entire area into disorder.
    It's important that you note all of the little cities, clustered in proximity of the two rivers, the Tigris and the Euphrates, in a valley only a few hundred miles long.
    Now that you have this image firmly in mind, try to imagine an area in your own state or country, that might have a similar cluster of relatively small cities, all within a few hundred mile-long area. Get it? (Got it!) Good!
    (Those of you who regularly use the metric system are on your own - I know that Soda comes in plastic, 2-liter bottles, and that's all of the metrics I need to know. Frankly, I've always thought that the Metric System, based originally on the 10-finger, 10-toe concept, was blatantly discriminatory to those of us with twelve of each!)
    Now imagine those cities in your own area to each be surrounded with defensive walls, with armed sentries parading along the ramparts, vigilant to spot the enemy's army at the greatest possible distance. Imagine each of those towns in seemingly perpetual warfare with each other. Imagine a few of those cities banding together in a loose alliance for mutual protection against possible attacks from other cities, an alliance that inevitably falls apart, and the previously-aligned cities battling among themselves like starving dogs over a tossed bone, then yet another city or alliance of cities, attacking those in their moment of weakness and battling them to capitulation. Imagine mothers, afraid to bear sons, knowing what their likely fate must be. This was the world in which the ancient Mesopotamians lived for a couple of thousand years.
    The moments of peace came, ironically, from war. Only when a solitary Conqueror arose who pummeled all of the individual City-States into submission and united the country, was there any semblance of peace and prosperity. Even then, the area was surrounded by nomadic tribes who envied that prosperity and wanted a share of it without an invitation, and even when peace temporarily reigned among the City-States, conflict with the outlying tribes, though sporadic, was ongoing.
    Then there was the matter of religion. As previously mentioned in Chapter 1, Gods 'r' Us (Part 6), the area was divided between the Sumerians in the south, whose civilization had lasted 4000 years, and the relatively newly-arrived Semitic Akkadians, who held the north half of the country. Ultimately, the Sumerians star waned, and they were eventually absorbed into the Semitic culture. The political and social language then, of all of Mesopotamia, became Semitic, while the religious language - that used for religious ceremonies - remained Sumerian.
    Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, there was a considerable interchange of gods. Additionally, each City-State not only worshiped as many gods as possible, as the people hedged their bets, but each City-State had its own patron god from out of the pantheon. and though the patron god may originally have had very specific attributes, if the god of another City-State had additional powers, the people of the first City-State often borrowed those for their own patron. It would be the equivalent of having Batman as my patron, then, upon learning that you had Superman as yours, ascribing to Batman as well, the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, rather than shinnying up them on a rope. The Mesopotamians had gods running out of their...ears.
    In fact, allow me to acquaint you with a few of those - I do not at all attest that this list is all-inclusive, I've no doubt there are still more that I've failed to list, but they'll have to do, Feel free to quickly scan through these, as there will be no pop quiz later, I just wanted you to have some idea as to the magnitude of the big business that religion was to the Early Mesopotamians. Early Mesopotamians like Abram/Abraham.

Mesopotamian Gods and Goddesses

Abgal - Seven wise-men and the attending deities of the god Enki.
Adrammelech - Babylonian god (possibly of the sun) to whom babies were burned in sacrifice. (By the time Adrammelech wends his way to Canaan, he will have changed his name to Molech, but he still has an appetite for burning babies.))
Aja - Babylonian sun goddess.
Akkan - Four Saami goddesses who oversee conception, birth and destiny.
Alauwaimis - Demon which drives away evil sickness.
Ama-arhus - Babylonian and Akkadian fertility goddess.
Amurru - Akkadian god of mountains and nomads.
An - Summerian god of heaven.
Anatu - Goddess of the earth and sky.
Antu - Summerian goddess of creation. Later replaced by Ishtar.
Anu - Summerian and Babylonian god of the sky, father of the gods and most powerful deity of the pantheon.
Anunitu - Babylonian goddess of the moon. She was later merged with Ishtar.
Apsu - Summerian and Akkadian god of the primordial sweet waters - as opposed to the primordial bitter waters of Chaos.
Arazu - Babylonian god of completed construction.
Aruru - Babylonian goddess of creation.
Ashnan - Summerian goddess of grain.
Aya - Goddess of dawn.
Baal - God of the sun and crop fertility, widely venerated throughout the Fertile Crescent and the Middle East.
Baba - Tutelary goddess of the kings of Sumer, and a goddess of motherhood and healing.
Babbar - Sumerian sun god. Equated with the Babylonian Shamash.
Belet-Ili - Summerian goddess of the womb.
Beletseri - Akkadian 'clerk' of the Underworld, who kept records of human activities so that she could advise on their final judgment after death. She is called Queen of the Desert. (This is a name to be remembered!)
Dagon - vegetation and fertility god.
Damgalnunna - Mother goddess.
Dumuzi - Summerian form of Tammuz, a god of vegetation, fertility and the Underworld. Possibly the husband of Inanna.
Ea - Summerian and Babylonian god of sweet waters, he is the patron of wisdom, magic and medical science.
Ebeh - Summerian mountain god.
El-l-il - Akkadian form of the god En-l-il. God of wind and earth.
Enmesarra - God of the underworld and the lord of mes - the power underlying society and civilization.
Ennugi - God of irrigation and canals.
Ereshkigal - Summerian and Akkadian goddess of the dead. She is dark and violent, and possibly was once a sky goddess. (sister of Ishtar)
Erra - God of war, death and other disasters.
Gibil - Summerian god of light and fire.
Girru - Akkadian god of light and fire. He is the messenger of the gods.
Gula - Summerian goddess of healing.
Humbaba - God of the cedar forest.
Inanna - The most important of the Summerian divinities, she is the goddess of love, fertility and war. Her symbol is the eight-pointed star. (She's also a slut who's married, has multiple lovers, and in her spare time, forcefully drags men out of taverns to have sex with them. I'd never hold that against her, but still, not exactly someone you'd take home to meet Mama.)
Irkalla - See Ereshkigal.
Isara - Goddess of oaths and queen of judgment.
Ishkhara - Babylonian goddess of love.
Ishkur - Summerian god of storms and rain.
Ishtar - Violent Summerian and Babylonian goddess of love and fertility. She had a habit of attracting lovers and then killing or maiming them. (Ishtar and Ianna share enough of the same attributes? they may have evolved, one from another - or it may just have been that whole Batman/Superman tiing I mentioned earlier.)
Kaksisa - God of the star Sirius.
Ki - Goddess of the earth.
Kulitta - Goddess of music.
Kulla - The Babylonian god who restores temples.
Kusag - God who is high priest of the gods, the patron of priests in Babylonia.
Lahar - Summerian god of cattle and sheep.
Lamastu - Demon who causes fever and childhood diseases.
Mama - Mother goddess. (Amazing how that's lasted throughout the ages!)
Mamitu - Akkadian goddess of fate and judgment in the Underworld.
Mammetu - Babylonian goddess of fate and destiny.
Marduk - God of thunderstorms, fertility, and the supreme leader of the gods after defeating Tiamat. Later known as Bel or Baal. (Remember? Breathes fire?)
Martu - God of destruction by storms and of the steppes. (AKA, Amurru)
Mummu - Summerian and Babylonian god of craftsmen and technical skill.
Mylitta - Babylonian and Assyrian goddess of fertility and childbirth.
Nabu - Summerian and Babylonian god of knowledge, writing, and scribe of the gods.
Nammu - Summerian goddess of the sea.
Namtar - God of the Summerian underworld and the bringer of disease and pestilence to humans.
Nanaja - Summerian and Akkadian goddess of sex and war. (Ishtar occupied the same position)
Nanna - Summerian god of the moon. Equivalent to Babylonian god Sin.
Nanshe - Goddess of fertility and water, she was the patron of dreams and prophecy.
Nergal - Evil god of the underworld who brings sickness, fear and war on mankind. He is the consort of the death-goddess Ereshkigal.
Nidaba - Summerian goddess of learning.
Nin-agal - God of smiths.
Ninatta - Goddess of music.
Ninazu - Babylonian god of magic incantations.
Ninedinna - Babylonian goddess of the books of the dead.
Ningirsu - Summerian and Babylonian god of rain, fertility and irrigation.
Ningizzida - God of healing and magic. Sometimes pictured as a serpent with a human head.
Ninhursag - See Ki.
Ninkarrak - Goddess of healing.
Ninkasi - Summerian goddess of intoxicating drinks, and beer in particular.
Nin-l-il - Goddess of heaven and earth, known as the wind.
Nintur - Akkadian goddess of birth.
Ninurta - God of rain, fertility, thunderstorms, the plow, floods, wells, and the south wind.
Nisaba - Babylonian and Summerian goddess of grain and learning.
Nusku - Summerian god of light and fire.
Papsukkel - Minister and messenger of the Summerian gods.
Rimmon - Babylonian god of storms.
Salbatanu - God of the planet Mars.
Samuqan - God of cattle.
Sataran - Divine judge and healer.
Shamash - Summerian god of the sun, judge and law-giver of the people. He is the husband of Ishtar.
Shulpae - God of feasting.
Shutu - God of illness and the South Wind.
Sibzianna - Summerian god of the star Orion.
Siduri - Goddess of wine-making and brewing.
Sin - Summerian god of the moon, the calendar, and the fixed seasons.
Sulpa'e - God of fertility, wild animals and the planet Jupiter.
Tammuz - Akkadian vegetation god and the symbol of death and rebirth in nature. (The 'corn king' of Wiccan worship.)
Tiamat - Dragon-goddess of the primordial waters of Chaos, seen as a great salt sea. Also the enemy of the gods.
Umunmutamku - Babylonian deiety who presents offerings to the gods after they have been made by humans.
Uttu - Summerian spider-goddess of weaving and clothing.
Zakar - Babylonian god of dreams as messages from the gods.

(Source for the information on this list is from the Full Moon Deities)

    I'm sure you're familiar with the latest cell phone/computer phrase, "There's an app for that!" In Ancient Mesopotamia, if you had a problem, there was a god for that.
    For now, take special note of the god highlighted above - Amurru (and his Sumerian counterpart, Martu) - as the Amorite saga continues, same god-time, same god-channel! (I suppose you just had to be there --)

pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx

2 Genesis, Chapter 15 - such stuff as dreams are made on --

2012-02-03T05:18:46Z

Genesis 15:1 "After these things (what things?) the word of the Lord came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy great reward."

If you really want to win friends and influence people, try convincing them you're their great reward.
As usual, old selfless Abe is ready to play Let's Make a Deal. Not only is Abe having visions, he's talking to them. I once knew a guy who lived in a cardboard box under a bridge, who used to do that, but I'm much better now. (And so am I.)

15:2 "And Abram said, Lord God, what wilt thou give me, seeing I go childless, and the steward of my house is this Eliezer of Damascus?
15:3 "And Abram said, Behold," (they said "behold" a lot in those days, we just use, "say, looky here," but I suppose "behold" is shorter) "to me thou hast given no seed: and lo, one born in my house is mine heir."

Quick translation, if I might - he's telling his vision that since he has no children, his house steward, Eliezer, must then become his heir in the event of his death. And what's Sarai, Abe's sister/wife, chopped liver ?

15:4 "And behold, the word of the lord came unto him, saying, this (Eliezer) shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir."

Now that's a trick I gotta see! If that's where this god thinks babies come from, his daddy should have sat him down a long time ago and had, the talk!

15:5 "And he (god) brought him (Abe) forth abroad, and said, Look now toward heaven, and tell (count) the stars, if thou be able to number them: and he (god) said unto him (Abe), So shall your seed be."

So this single verse establishes several things: first, that heaven is definitely up, because, from any point on earth, that's where the stars are; secondly, that this conversation must be taking place at night, otherwise, Abe wouldn't have been able to see the stars; and thirdly, since our own galaxy contains between 200 and 400 billion stars, and there are billions and billions (thank you Carl, we miss you) of such galaxies in the universe, either this god didn't know just how many he'd created, or he didn't think far enough ahead as to where Abe's seed were all going to stand (not to mention what they were going to eat, so I won't mention it), OR, one more possibility - though I know it may sound a bit far fetched - but, just maybe it didn't happen --?
I'll leave that decision in your capable hands.

15:6 "And he believed in the Lord; and he counted it to him for righteousness."
15:7 "And he (god) said unto him (Abe), I am the Lord that brought thee out of Ur of the Chaldees, to give thee this land to inherit it."

See, there we go again, with the whole "Ur of the Chaldees" thing. The Bible is either subconsciously trying to demonstrate its own errancy, or the writers were convinced that no one would ever be able to prove otherwise (an omniscient god would have foreseen Google). Hopefully, Bible permitting, the following will finally lay that subject to rest:

"Ur was Sumerian and had no connection with the people known as the Chaldaeans until a thousand years after any possible date to which Abraham can be attributed." – M. Grant, The History of Ancient Israel, p32.

"'Ur of the Chaldees' in Genesis is clearly an anachronistic reference … 'Chaldaeans' did not appear in Mesopotamia until the 7th century BC."
– Magnus Magnusson, The Archaeology of the Bible Lands-BC, pp 31, 206.

These opinions too, are "in the book" - just in different books.

15:8 "And he (Abe) said, Lord God ("El-i-lil," in Semitic Akkadian), whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it?"

Are you listening to this?!! Ten seconds earlier, Abe had said, "15:6 'And he believed in the Lord; and he counted it to him for righteousness.'" And now he has the unmitigated gall (ever wonder how mitigated gall is different? I know I have) to ask the god of his vision, "Behold, just how can I really be sure I'm gonna get all of this land?"
I'm no god (as long as I take my meds), but if I were, that question would rate a Zot, a puff of smoke, and everybody asking, "Anybody seen Abe?"

15:9 "And he (god) said unto him (Abe), Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtle dove and a young pigeon."

There was no mention of how old the turtle dove and pigeon needed to be.

15:10 "And he (Abe) took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst, and laid each piece one against the other: but the birds divided he not."

    Far be it from me to act like a minister here and tell you what to believe as to what this verse means, but I don't think it's out of bounds to tell you what I think it means, and let you decide for yourself.
    As I take it, 85+-year old Abe went out in the middle of the night (while the stars could still be seen), culled cattle out of his herds that he got from Pharaoh for pimping out his sister/wife, slit the throats of the animals, while likely wringing the necks of the young pigeon and the turtle dove, left the dead birds intact, while cutting the dead calf and the two dead goats in half, and laid out their body parts on the ground, "one piece against another."
    You might notice (though I predict that few who read the Bible ever have), that Abe's vision never told him what he should do with these animals, once he'd taken them. Maybe he was just supposed to give them baths and flea collars. Did Abe improvise?
    I wouldn't call that odd behavior for the man who was to become the cornerstone of the Judeo/Christian/Islamic faith, would you? I like to try and imagine Abe's answer if someone had come along and said, "Hey, Abe, whacha doin'?" But then, I guess it's good to be the Patriarch.

15:11 "And when the fowls came down upon the carcasses, Abram drove them away."

I'm confused again. I know a little bit about fowls, and except for owls, you don't find a lot of birds flying about at night - they tend to bump into things. Ever wonder about those "things that go bump in the night"? Flying birds, nearly every time.
The next verse raises even more confusion:

15:12 "And when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and, lo, an horror of great darkness fell upon him."

See what I mean? The god-vision took Abe outside (one must presume, of his tent) to try and count the stars, then he's told to take the animals, which he does, and kills and splits them and lays them out, while fighting off night-flying birds, and suddenly, the sun is going down. How does that work, exactly? Or was the author of the chapter writing with an open bottle of home-made kumquat wine on his desk, as this author often does?

15:13 "And he said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years.
15:14 "And also that nation, whom they shall serve, will I judge: and they shall come out with great substance.
15:15 "And thou shalt go to thy fathers in peace; thou shalt be buried in a good old age.
15:16 "But in the fourth generation they shall come hither again: for the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full."

    Now that is clever! That is some really clever writing! There was a Mastermind behind that little ploy! We (you and I, just now) have witnessed a prophecy, issued by a god-vision, that came true! Verily, it did! According to the Bible, Abe's son, Issac, would have a son, Jacob/Israel, who we will later see went with his entire clan to Egypt, and his progeny remained there for four hundred years before Moses led them out! But this prophecy was made to Abram, hundreds of years earlier! How could that be, unless this really WAS an actual, live, omniscient god?!
    Before you and I drop to our knees, let me address that question - the answer is plain, simple, David Copperfieldian, slight of hand.
    Abe (if he ever existed) was reputed to have been born c.1952 BCE (others say c.1813 BCE), while Moses (if he ever existed) was alleged to have gone for his little baby boat ride c.1350 BCE, yet parts of Genesis (the J Source) were written in 950 BCE, the rest (E Source) in northern Israel in 850 BCE, combined in 750 BCE into JE, and finally incorporated into the Torah/Penteteuch in 400 BCE.
    Imagine, if you will (that was my best Rod Serling) that I wrote a book in 2012, predicting that there would be a global armed conflict, beginning in 1939 - then some way, some how, convinced a gullible public that I had written it in 1925 - some might say that I had seen the world's economic situation, the Phoenix-esque rise of Germany to power for a second time, as well as its alliances with Italy and Japan, and surmised that conflict was inevitable - but, imagine I were able to convince everyone that the book was written in 1325! O-M-G! Instant prophet!
    You take an illiterate population, with no other source of information besides the Priesthood, you write a book that contains predictions of events that have already happened, and convince them the book was actually written hundreds of years before the events occurred. And that, says the Masked Magician, is how it's done.
    And what's with that phrase, "the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet full"? Is there an iniquity gauge somewhere that we haven't heard about? Besides - Abe's best buds, who helped him chase five professional armies over 180 miles, the brothers, Mamre, Aner and Eshcol, were all Amorites. What's wrong with Amorites?
    I'll discuss the issue of the Amorites, or as they were better known at the time, Amurrites, shortly, but first, let's finish this chapter.

15:17 "And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace, and a burning lamp that passed between those pieces.

    OK - let's look at that a little more closely. Gen 15:1 relates that Abe had a vision, and in his vision, this god took him outside, at night, showed him the stars, and promised Abe a large area of land, and that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars above, yada, yada, yada. Abe claimed to believe him, but cautiously asked how he could really know for sure that this god was telling the truth. The god told Abe to cull some animals out of his herd, but didn't instruct Abe as to what to do with them, so Abe lept to conclusions, killed them, cut them in half, and laid the pieces on the ground. Then, as the sun went down, a "deep sleep" and "an horror of great darkness fell upon him." Then, what sounds astonishingly like a laser beam passed between the pieces of meat, apparently somehow satisfying Abe's uncertainty.
    The first thing that one has to wonder, is why the light show? Seriously, what was it intended to prove? That this god was powerful? Couldn't he have found a better avenue than making a beam of light pass between pieces of butchered meat? First, he hides the knowledge of good and evil and the secret of eternal life in the fruit of trees, and now this! Really?
    Apparently, the cutting up of animals, laying them down and walking between the divided carcasses was some sort of primitive ritual.
    Of the custom, The New American Heritage Bible, published by the Catholics, informs us that the phrase in 15:17 above, "smoking furnace," is translated from the Hebrew word for "brazier," literally, an oven.
    TNHB goes on to explain: "Although the text doesn't mention it, Abraham no doubt walked between the split carcasses. For the meaning of this strange ceremony, see note on Jerimiah 34:18."
    Hopscotching ahead to Jerimiah 34:18, we find the following note: "As the Bible and contemporary inscriptions make clear, agreements were sometimes ratified by walking between divided pieces of animals while contracting parties invoked on themselves a fate similar to that of the slaughtered beast if they should fail to keep their word." Does that mean that an omnipotent god accepts those same terms, i.e., to be slaughtered and his carcass divided if he fails to keep his agreement? And how would that process be accomplished?
    I'll bet the collective sigh of relief from the Middle East hit at least 7 points on the Richter Scale the day they invented the handshake.
    But the real question, is where did Abe's vision begin and end? Did he only envision he killed and cut up those animals and shooed away crows and vultures? Did he envision the "deep sleep" and "horror of great darkness"? What about the time disorientation - the late-night stargazing, followed by an evening sunset? The laser beam? Did he dream the whole thing? Was this entire episode possibly a psychotic break in the mind of a man capable of taking his young son and traveling with him for three days, for the purpose of slitting his throat and burning him on an altar?

15:18 "In the same day the Lord made a covenant with Abram, saying, Unto thy seed I have given this land, from the river of Egypt (the Nile) unto the great river, the river Euphrates:
15:19 "The Kennites, and the Kennizites, and the Kadmonites,
15:20 "And the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Rephaims,
15:21 "And the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Gergashites, and the Jebusites."

Let's take a closer look at that, while we're in the neighborhood.

    See that lightly-shaded area? That's the area we're talking about, including the white part marked, "ARAB TRIBES," which in actuality, is the Arabian Desert, or modern-day, Saudia Arabia and Yemen. According to Genesis, that land, at the time of this god's gift, was claimed by, "The Kennites, and the Kennizites, and the Kadmonites, And the Hittites, and the Perizzites, and the Rephaims, And the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Gergashites, and the Jebusites."
    A quick note of ancient Egyptian history here, just to put this gift in perspective - the Hittites were so fierce, they fought the entire Egyptian army to a standstill, to the point that, much as in modern politics, Pharaoh Ramses II sent secret envoys to the Hittites, negotiated a treaty quite favorable to the Hittites, then rewrote history by plastering hieroglyphics throughout Egypt, relating how his own armies had fled the field in fear, while he, Ramses, alone, armed only with a spear, rammed his chariot through the Hittite army, hacking and slashing all in his path, and thus brought the Hittites to their knees, begging for a peace treaty with Egypt. Good thing the Hittites couldn't read.
    But my reason behind the history lesson, was my curiosity as to just who fearless Abe was likely to choose to tell those Hittites that he's their new landlord?

    OK - who wants to talk about Amorites? Alright! Amorites it is --
    During the 1500's (AD), Spain owned a large chunk of the Western Hemisphere. By comparison, the English were late bloomers, basically giving the Spanish a hundred-year head start. By the time the United States booted England back across the Atlantic, much of the territory that would eventually become the US was still owned by Spain. The US bought part of that land from France, in a deal known as the Louisiana Purchase. France actually acquired it from Spain, in the Treaty of Ildefonso, which was kept secret until just three weeks before the US purchase in 1803.
    What the hell does that have to do with Amorites?!
    Keep your shirt on, I'm coming to that!
    That purchase (for 3 cents per acre) doubled the size of the United States, but still about a third of what is now the US, belonged to other countries. What would become the States of Washington, Oregon and Idaho were still owned by Britain, while the rest, the States of California, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, parts of Colorado, Wyoming and New Mexico, and all of Texas. were claimed by the Viceroyalty of New Spain until the Mexican war of Independence in 1821, when the Mexicans did to the Spanish what the Americans did to the English, but with jalapeños.
    For roughly thirty years, the Mexican State of Tejas (Tay-hahs) remained sparsely populated. Mexican settlements there endured constant Indian raids, and Mexico simply didn't have the manpower to police the vast amount of territory it had wrested from Spain, so Tejas was basically neglected. Consequently, when Americans gradually filtered across the border, expressing a desire to settle there, the Mexicans had no objection - they didn't even ask for green cards. In time, the American population grew to the extent that that foreign population rose up and took possession of the Mexican State, renaming it Texas.
    And that - except for the whole Mexican and Spanish and French and English and American part - is exactly how the Amorites took over Mesopotamia.
    More of the continuing Amorite saga in the next Chapter!

2 Genesis, Chapter 14 - is you is, or is you ain't, my Abie?

2012-01-15T21:30:00Z

Chapter 14 is even more unusual than usual, so we'll save the exposition until after the presentation and go straight to our ~~fable~~ story:

"13:1 And it came to pass in the days of Amraph-el king of Shinar, Arioch king of Ellasar, Chedorlaomer king of El-am, and Tidal king of nations;
"14:2 That these made war with Bera king of Sodom, and with Birsha king of Gomorrah, Shinab king of Admah, and Shember king of Zeboiim, and the king of Bela, which is Zoar.
"14:3 All these were joined together in the vale of Siddim, which is the Salt Sea (Dead Sea).
"14:4 Twelve years they served Chedorlaomer, and in the thirteenth year they rebelled.
"14:5 And in the fourteenth year came Chedorlaeomer, and the kings that were with him, and smote the Rephaims in Asteroth Karnaim, and the Zuzims in Ham, and the Emims in Shaveth Kiriathaim.
"14:6 And the Horites in their mount Seir, unto El-paran, which is by the wilderness.
"14:7 And they returned, and came to En-mishpat, which is Kadesh, and smote all the country of the Amalekites, and also the Amorites, that dwelt in Hazezon-tamar.
"14:8 And there went out the king of Sodom, and the king of Gomorrah, and the king of Adma, and the king of Zeboiim, and the king of Bela (the same is Zoar;) and they joined battle with them in the vale of Siddim;
"14:9 With Chedorlaomer the king of Elam, and with Tidal king of nations, and Amaraph-el king of Shinar, and Arioch king of Ellasar: four kings with five."

    I don't care what anyone says, that's a bunch of smighting! So, to clarify, five kings, Bera of Sodom, Birsha, of Gomorrah, Shinab, of Admah, Shember, of Zeboiim and a king, whose name the writer couldn't remember, of Bela, (the same is Zoar), all served a king named, Chedorlaomer for twelve years, which means the peasants of these five kings worked and toiled and gave their taxes to their king to use to run the kingdom, and the kings paid a part of that money to Chedorlaomer for protection, so Cheddy and his homeys wouldn't come and pop a cap in them, but in the thirteenth year, these five kings got together and decided they'd had about all of the protecting they were going to take, and told Chedorlaomer to go take a flying Funk and Wagnalls, and if he thought he was getting any more money, he should probably back off the crank.
    Dissed, Chedorlaomer got three of his bros together, and they all brought their posses. There was old Chedor himself, Amraph-el, king of Shinar, Arioch, king of El-lasar and Tidal, king of some places the writer isn't sure of, so he just says, "king of nations." And the next year, the four of them and their bangers put on their colors and headed for the hood of the five kings, jackin' and cappin' along the way. They lit up the Rephraims, capped the Zuzims, popped the Emims, and for good measure, smoked the Amalekites and the Amorites, just to show they meant bi'ness.
    The kings of Sodom, and Gomorrah, and Adma, and Zeboiim and Bela (the same is Zoar) gathered their peeps and their pieces and headed out for a smackdown in the vale of Siddim, and it was on!

"14:10 And the vale of Siddim was full of slimepits; and the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled and fell there; and they that remained fled to the mountain.
14:11 And they took the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their victuals, and went their way.
14:12 And they took Lot, Abraham's brother's son, who dwelt in Sodom, and his goods, and departed."

    The rumble didn't quite turn out like the five kings expected - Chedorlaomer and his homeys cleaned house with them. The kings of Sodom and Gomorrah boned out and fell in slimepits and the rest of their crew decided to jet for the mountains. Chedor and his boyz jacked their goods and booked, taking Lot and "all that he had" with them. What they wanted with Lot and his family, once they had all his livestock and possessions, remains unclear - sounds like excess baggage to me, if you know what I mean.
    But here, we have a couple of minor problems. 14:10 relates, "the vale of Siddim was full of slimepits; and the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled and fell there" - the verse isn't clear as to whether the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah slipped on the slime, landing on their asses (I'm sure they were riding donkeys), or whether it means, "fell," as in the fall from which you don't get up. Most sources seem to agree it meant the latter, yet 14:17 informs us of Abram, "And the king of Sodom went out to meet him (Abe)...at the valley of Shaveh, which is the king's dale." If that was a new king of Sodom, that must have been one quickie coronation - maybe they had a spare waiting in the wings.
    The second issue I have, is the mention in 14:7 that the four kings, on their way to the confrontation, "smote all the country of the Amalekites, and also the Amorites, that dwelt in Hazezon-tamar." In the paragraphs below, I'll demonstrate that Biblical scholars believe King Amraphael to have been the great lawgiver, Hammurabi of Babylon, and therein the issue lies. Hammurabi, or Hammurapi was an Amorite, or more precisely, an Amurrite, and though not inconceivable, it's unclear as to why an Amorite king would be smitting Amorites.

"14:13 And there came one that escaped, and told Abram the Hebrew; for he dwelt in the plain of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eshcol and brother of Aner: and these were confederate with Abram.
"14:14 And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan.
"14:15 And he divided himself against them, he and his servants, by night, and smote them, and pursued them unto Hobah, which is on the left hand of Damascus.
"14:16 And he brought back all the goods, and also brought back his brother, Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people."

    Note above, the author's order of importance (14:16): "Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people."
    Again, the writer of this chronicle appears confused - first, he doesn't know the city-state of which Tidal is king; he can't recall the name of the king of Bela (the same is Zoar), and now, he forgot that Lot is Abram's nephew, and twice called him Abram's brother.
    Below, we have a map that should better illustrate the entire event - red, represents the route Lot took, after separating from Abram, purple follows the route of the kings, or Camino Royale, if you will, while the maroon denotes the route Abe and his shepherds took to catch the conscience of the kings.

    From Beth-el (the only reference point available since Abe was camped out somewhere on the nearby Plain of Mamre), the distance is 112 miles to Dan, and all the way to Hobah, "on the left hand of Damascus," appears to be roughly another 40-50 miles. So Abram took his 318 cattle- and goat-herders, attacked, by night, the combined, seasoned armies of four kings (that had just severely trounced five entire armies single-handedly), chased them over an area of 180 or more miles, on foot, and recaptured all of the plunder they had taken, so that the four armies apparently limped back to Mesopotamia with their collective tails between their collective legs, sadly relating the tale of how an 85+-year old nomad with 318 shepherds had beaten four armies of trained soldiers. Is that pretty much how you read it too?
    See, here I have to interrupt for just a bit. OK, maybe more than a bit. Gen 14:14, above, relates how, as I mentioned, Abe and friends chased the four armies all the way to the city of Dan. Now chronologically, I don't believe anyone will argue with me, that if these people were historical and actually existed, then Abram lived hundreds of years before Moses, the alleged teller of this ~~tall~~ tale, yet - not trying to get too far ahead of the story, but this is important - yet Moses died before Joshua crossed the Jordan on his invasion campaign in Canaan, and the Book of Judges follows the Book of Joshua, so while I have no desire to sit down and determine precisely during what years the Book of Judges took place, suffice to say that it was well after Moses' time, and even further beyond the time of Abram/Abraham. Let's quickly look at Judges - 18:26 relates that, "the children of Dan went their way" and 18:27 tells us that these kids came to a city named, Laish, where the inhabitants "were at quiet and secure," yet not content to leave them that way, the "Children of Dan" commenced to smitin' "with the edge of the sword," and we all know how that can smart! After the "Children of Dan" finished smiting, they burned Laish to the ground, after which, they built their own city on the spot - they called it, (18:29) "Dan." So, in summary, Moses tells us that Abram and 318 shepherds chased an army of four kings that had just defeated an army of five kings, over 180 miles, to a city that wouldn't be built yet for hundreds of years. I just wanted all of us to clearly understand. You do, don't you?
    So, 14:14 says he took 318 of his "trained servants," yet there's no mention of what it was for which they were trained - they could have gone to barber school or culinary college for all we know. We're supposed to assume, I take it, that they were trained for battle, but what tent-dwelling, livestock-raising nomad is going to keep a standing army of Sayeret Mat'kal, regardless of how much swag he gained from pimping out his sister/wife to Pharaoh - and where were these 318 super-soldiers when Abe was so concerned that Pharaoh would kill him if he admitted Sarai was actually his wife?

"14:17 And the king of Sodom went out to meet him after his return from the slaughter of Chedorlaomer, and of the kings that were with him, at the valley of Shaveh (Shiva), which is the king's dale.
"14:18 And Melchizedek king of Salem brought forth bread and wine: and he was the priest of the most high God.
"14:19 And he blessed him, and said, Blessed be Abram, of the most high God, possessor of heaven and earth:
"14:20 And blessed be the most high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand. And he gave him tithes of all."

    The Valley of Shiva was located just north of Jerusalem, literally on the northern edge, which is roughly 20 miles south of Beth-el and the Plains of Mamre, which means old Abe and his troops had to march for a day south, fight at night, then chase the four armies some 180 miles north to Hobah, on the left-hand side of Damascus, Syria, meanwhile, the four armies are herding all of Lot's livestock, while both fighting and running for their lives from these 318 shepherds - that must have been the case, because without them continuing to hold Lot and his property (livestock, women, and people), there'd have been no reason on Abe's part for continued pursuit. How much livestock could Lot have had, that made such an effort cost effective?
    Speaking of Jerusalem, and entirely as a sidenote, one source I encountered while researching this chapter related that Jerusalem got its name from the Hebrew words, "Jeru," meaning possession, and "salem," meaning peace - in other words, Jeru-salem, "possession of peace." In fact, "Melchizedek, king of Salem," above, is thought to have been king of Jerusalem, though The New American Bible declares that the Hebrew phrase originally used was, "melek shalem," and informs us that if it had meant king of Jerusalem, the phrase would instead have been, "melek shalom," and that the former phrase may well have been intended to be "melek shelomo," a king allied to him, meaning allied to Abram. It's also interesting to note that Abraham paid tithes to the priest, Melchizadek - think the writer may have been sending the reader a subliminal message?
    Another source of the origin of the name, Jerusalem, gave an explanation I rather like better, in that it ties the Hebrew culture even closer to that of ancient Mesopotamia, where most things Hebrew originated. It maintains that the city was originally called, "Uru-salim," Ur, as you'll recall from the origins of Abram, related to the Sumerian city of Ur, and in the process of studying that, we learned that "Ur" simply meant, "City" in Sumerian, but that Sumerian nouns often ended in "u," much as masculine Spanish nouns most often end in "o," which combined, gives us Uru-salim, the "city of peace."

"14:21 And the king of Sodom said unto Abram, give me the persons and take the goods for thyself.
"14:22 And Abram said to the king of Sodom, I have lift up mine hand unto the Lord, the most high God, the possessor of heaven and earth,
"14:23 That I will not take from a thread, even to a shoelachet, and that I will not take any thing that is thine, lest thou shouldst say, I have made Abram rich:
"14:24 Save only that which the young men have eaten, and the portion of the men which went with me. Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their portion.

    Quick note - neither Abe, in 14:22, nor Melchizedek, in 14:18-20, claims their god to be the only god, only, "the most high God."
    In fact, regarding 14:18-20 above, The New American Bible, published by the Catholic Church, feels it important that you know that the phrase in those verses, "the most high God." was originally written as, "el-elyon." "In Canaanite texts," The NAB relates, "each element may occur separately as the name of a specific deity, or they may be applied to a specific deity, as is done here by the Canaanite priest, Melchizedek. For the Israelites, el became a poetic synonym for elohim (God); elyon ("Most High") became one of the titles of their God, Yahweh." The first thing I would personally take from this, is the fact that Melchizedek is a Canaanite priest, rather than a Hebrew, and the likelihood that he is referring to the same god that Abe worships, is slim to none. Abe's response, however, should be taken to mean that he, may or may not be referring to the god of the Bible, a train of thought we will follow as we learn more about the Amorites in future chapters. Also note, that TNAB appears to differentiate between "el," a term the Canaanite priest uses, and "elyon," which TNAB tell us, "...became one of the titles of their God, Yahweh." At the moment, that will mean little to you, but as the sub-narrative continues through future chapters, you should find reason to say to yourself, "Oh yeah - that's what it meant!"
    OK, it's a little clearer now - Abe and his 318 weren't entirely alone, they had the help of Aner, Eshcol and Mamre, three Amorite (Amurrite) brothers with whom Abe must have become friends while pitching his tent on their plains, as 14:13 mentions, "...and these were confederate with Abram." Still, it's just too great a stretch to imagine these three rural landowners having either the manpower or the skills to successfully encounter four professional armies, regardless of how fatigued those may have been from battling the other five armies.
    But the thing to which I wanted most to draw to your attention was the part from 14:23, where Honest Abe said, "I will not take any thing that is thine, lest thou shouldst say, I have made Abram rich." Say what?! OK, who are you, and what did you do with the REAL Abram?! Did you hear him saying that to the nameless Pharaoh who was loading him down, making Abe "...very rich in cattle, in silver, and in gold"? I heard absolutely no objection.
    I think it's safe to say that you won't be overly astonished when I impart some information that most priests and ministers would really rather you didn't know. It may be redundant to keep reminding you of the four groups who ghost-wrote the first five books of the Bible and blamed it on Moses, the J (Yahwist), E (Eloist), P (Priestly), and D (Deuteronimical) Sources, along with the great Redactor, who pieced it all together, for better or for worse (personally, I hate redundancy, I hate redundancy!), but at the same time, I understand how, raised as you likely were to believe Charlton Heston, with his mane of flowing white hair and equally billowy beard, sat down half a millennium before Hebrews developed a written language, and quilled every word of it, with the inspiration of the invisible, but ever-present, holy spirit, likely perched on his shoulder in the form of a dove.
    OK, here comes the surprise finish and the reason for this chapter's subtitle, which, surprisingly, is NOT the fact that Abe declined to take loot! In his book, A History of Babylonia and Assyria, the late Dr. Robert William Rogers, Professor in Drew Theological Seminary of Madison, New Jersey, and a life-long student of the ancient Middle East and of biblical scholarship, expressed belief that Genesis 14 was written by an unknown source entirely separate from the four described above.
    He writes:

"The Hebrews preserved a great legend of an expedition into the west of Hammurapi, whose name is written Amraphael, in association with Arioch, king of Ellasar, Chedalaomer, king of Elam, and Tidal king of the nations" (Goyym). Arioch is for Eri-aku, the Sumerian form for Arad-Sin, king of Larsa (Ellasar) and Chedorlaomer is the good Elamite name Kudur-lagamar, not yet found on any Elamite or Babylonian document of this early period, but both the word Kudur (servant of, or worshipper of) Lagamar, an Elamite god, are amply supported. Tidal is a Hittite name, not verifiable, indeed, in any original texts of this period, but identical with the name of a Hittite king of Asia Minor (Boghaz Keui) centuries later, and may well have been borne by a Hittite prince of the period of Hammurapi. The association of four such kings or princes for a campaign in the west, is not in itself improbable, and the Hebrew writer to whom we owe the preservation of the interesting legend (emphasis, mine), which a later day associated with the great name of Abraham, may well have been standing upon some little fragment (ditto) of history, contemporaneous with the great Babylonian king."

Rogers concludes:

"It is now generally recognized that Genesis XIV does not belong to any one of the well-known writers of the original documents, neither to J, or to E, or to P, but is rather 'a boulder in the stratification of the Penteteuch' [Skinner], though it does seem to me that its linguistic character gives considerable signs of affinities to P, larger than, for example, Skinner will allow. Whatever its origin, it is, in its present form, no earlier than the Exile. (emphasis, most definitely mine) In light of all of the facts now known of the period, the narrative seems certainly to contain some historical improbabilities. Yet in outline, it may well be based on some historical foundation. The names of Amraphael, Arioch, and probably Chedorlaomer are historical. It is, however, not possible to reconcile the date of Amraphael (Hammurapi) with the date of Abraham (ditto) as the earlier sources give but 400 years between him and the Exodus." (Rogers cites two references: Skinner, Commentary on Genesis, pp.271-276, and O. Proksch, Die Genesis, ubersetzt und erklart, pp.505-515.)

The New American Bible adds a note of further confirmation, when it explains the earlier phrase above, regarding "Abraham the Hebrew," by saying that a Hebrew would not have written of Abraham, the Hebrew; that the term, Hebrew would have been a disparaging one to an Israelite, akin to being called an immigrant, and would only have been used by non-Israelites or by Israelites speaking to non-Israelites, but never by Israelites speaking, or writing in this case, to Israelites. The conclusion this Bible drew was that the story was of a possible historical warlike sheik of Palestine, named Abraham, whose story, written by a non-Israelite, was somehow ascribed to our biblical Abe during the Babylonian captivity of 900-600 BCE.
The Jewish Encyclopedia, a publication that one would expect to have a vested interest in maintaining the authenticity of Abram/Abraham as the Founding Father of Judeaism, had this to say:

   "What is to be said of the much debated fourteenth chapter? First, it must be divided into two parts: the history of the Elamite invasion, and Abraham's connection with it.
   "The first part may be historical, but it no more follows that the second part is historical than the reality of the miraculous role assigned to Moses follows from the reality of the Exodus. (Is this Jewish author casting doubts on the authenticity of the whole Moses-"Let-my-people-go" story? SAY it isn't so!) On the contrary, the mention of Salem and of tithes points to a postexilian origin for the paragraph.
   "The invasion may be historical, Chedorlaomer and Arioch are Elamite, and a march from Babylonia to Canaan is conceivable, but no mention of it has been found in inscriptions, and it is not easy to reconcile it with known facts. If Amraphel be Hammurabi, Abraham's date is about 2300 B.C. (The Jewish Virtual Library gives a date of 1823 BCE as a likely date for Abe's birth: www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/biography/abraham.html)
www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/360-abraham#anchor24

    So, the hero of the story, if indeed it ever occurred, could not possibly have been Abram, as in the time historically allotted to his life, the kings the hero allegedly battled in the middle of the night, had yet to ever be born. which is appropriate, since the city to which they fled had yet to be built - but other than that, the story is absolutely inerrant. Is it any wonder that William G. Dever, in 2 Genesis, Chapter 13 assured us, "After a century of exhaustive investigation, all respectable archaeologists have given up hope of recovering any context that would make Abraham, Isaac, or Jacob credible 'historical' figures"?
    Thus far, we're fourteen chapters into the book, and we've yet to find a shred of original truth anywhere. But we will keep digging, surely we'll run across some, somewhere.

pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx

Happy New Year! (heh, heh, heh) - from the Maya

2012-01-02T00:34:00Z

The by now, rather infamous Mayan calendar, which reputedly predicts the end of the world on the winter solstice of 2012, wasn't originally Mayan at all, but rather an artifact the Maya inherited from a previous civilization known as the Olmecs. Some have speculated that the mysterious Olmecs were of African origin, due to certain stereotypical facial features found on giant stone heads the Olmecs carved during their tenure in the Western Hemisphere and left for us to ponder after their total disappearance from our Western shores.

Olmec Warriors

Many civilizations have, in the past, disappeared simply by virtue of having been absorbed into neighboring cultures, but the rather distinctive facial features of the Olmec appear not to have surfaced among any of the Central American indigenous populations of the era. Indisputably, the features of the warriors above could be said to be of African origin, but - strictly personal opinion here - they could as easily have come from the many Pacific Polynesian islands, where similar, non-African facial features can be found yet today.

The Wrestler

    I don't see how anyone could deny the Japanese - certainly Oriental - features of the Olmec statue (above) known only as, "The Wrestler."
    While the Maya may have inherited their calendar from the Olmec, they certainly extended the Olmec concepts and refined them to a very sophisticated form. By Mayan mythological tradition, the deity Itzamna is credited with bringing the knowledge of the calendar system to the ancestral Maya, along with writing in general and other foundational aspects of Maya culture.
    Most important to the Maya, was the 260-day calendar, a ritual calendar with no confirmed correlation to astronomical or agricultural cycles. The second of the major calendars was one representing a 365-day period approximating the tropical year, known sometimes as the "vague year". Because it was an approximation, over time the seasons and the true tropical year gradually "wandered" with respect to this calendar, owing to the accumulation of the differences in length. There is little evidence to suggest that the Maya used any intercalary days, as we do by adding a "Leap" year (which, quite coincidentally, occurs in 2012), to bring their calendar back into alignment. However there is evidence to show Mesoamericans were aware of this gradual shifting, which they accounted for in other ways without amending the calendar itself.
    These two 260- and 365-day calendars could also be synchronized to generate the Calendar Round, a period of 18,980 days or approximately 52 years, then considered to be the length of a Human life span, which makes one strongly suspect the Maya had not gotten the news about Methuselah. The completion and observance of this Calendar Round sequence was of ritual significance to the Maya, as well as to a number of Mesoamerican cultures.
    To account for events more than 52 years away, they devised a third major calendar form, known as the Long Count, during the Classic period (c. 200–900 CE). The Long Count, that spanned a period of roughly 5,126 solar years, provided the ability to uniquely identify days over a much longer period of time, by combining a sequence of day-counts or cycles of increasing length, calculated or set from a particular date in the mythical past. The Maya believed that time - at least the current cycle of it - began (shades of Ussher and Lightfoot) in the year 3,114 BCE, and that at the end of each 5,126-year cycle, all life on Earth is destroyed and begun afresh. They also believed that this had already occurred five different times in the past.
    For those mathematically inclined, 3,114 (BCE) subtracted from 5,126, gives us - wait for it - 2012!
    But think about it for a moment - first of all, no one can know the future, it simply hasn't happened yet, and Quantum Physics has gradually awakened us to the likelihood that there are an infinite number of futures, dependent on far too many variables for anyone to foresee any particular one. We've seen that even the god of the Bible, touted as being the epitome of clairvoyance, has either not had it, failed to use it if he did, or simply made extremely poor decisions based on his inside information. We can speculate, using observable factors, that there is a high likelihood that a given event may occur, but none of us - and that includes Nostradamus - can ever really know.
    Even weather forecasters, with all of their sophisticated equipment, are reluctant to predict conditions much more than five days in advance.
    True, you could reason, as some have, that the Maya were accomplished astronomers, and that they were aware that some orbiting body - an asteroid or comet, with a given orbital cycle - would come back around in 2012, on a collision path with Earth. But consider, they had no telescopes, no way to see beyond the use of the normal Human eye. Some of them may indeed have spent a great deal of time in the pursuit of astronomy, but that doesn't necessarily mean it was good astronomy. Think about the fact that they studied round, celestial objects for two or three thousand years, and yet walked everywhere they went - it never occurred to them, after viewing circular objects for all of that time, to apply the implications of those objects to the invention of the wheel.
    Let's hear what a few people who have made it their occupations to study the field, have to say:
    "There's no real prophesy that says this is going to be the end of the world," said Christopher Powell, an archeologist who studies Mayan culture, "not from the Mayan ruins, anyway."
    Bruce Love of the Archaeological Institute of America, is quoted as saying: "Whatever the significance of the date is, it is significance we are putting on it; it's not the significance the Maya are putting on it. It's not coming from anywhere in the literature or in the Mayan hieroglyphic writing."
    Ian O'Neill, a physicist by training, has written a piece that says, "there's no evidence to suggest the Mayans believed the end of their Long Count calendar would spell doomsday."
    "I believe the Mayan calendar was based on some incredibly good astronomy," said Lawrence Joseph, author of Apocalypse 2012. "They were really good at knowing when. They weren't so good at saying what's going to happen then." Joseph said he worries about an outbreak of solar flares in December, enough to fry the world's electric grid.
    And finally, Mexico's National Institute of Anthropology and History said, "Western messianic thought has twisted the cosmovision of ancient civilizations like the Maya." It said the Maya believed that time started and ended with regularity, with nothing apocalyptic occurring at the end.
    I can only speak for myself, but I'm ordering my party hats in advance.

    Speaking of twisting, let me share with you with a little Mayan story:
    Once upon a time, the Mayans had a god, Hunab-Ku. Hunab Ku was described as, “the supreme god.” In fact, the very name, Hunab-Ku, translates as “Sole God” or “Only God.” The name appears in the 16th century Diccionario de Motul, where “Hunab-ku” is identified as “...the only living and true god, also the greatest of the gods of the people of Yucatan." He had no form because they said that he could not be represented as he was incorporeal.
    There was only one teensy little problem - the Maya never heard of him.
    His mention in the Diccionario de Motul in the 16th century - after the invasion of the "one-god" Spanish - was the earliest mention of him anywhere. Though he also received a write-up in the Book of Chilam Balam of Chumayel, written after the Spanish Conquest, he is unknown in any pre-Conquest inscriptions in Maya writing.
    Hunab-Ku was closely associated with an indigenous creator god, Itzamna, and the fact that the deity is described only in a few late sources, heavily influenced by Christianity, has caused some scholars to suspect that the deity was not an actual Mayan deity but was rather invented by Franciscan friars to ease the transition from the traditional polytheist Mayan religion to strict Christian monotheism.
    Why, they wouldn't do that, would they? To those simple, trusting people? Why that would be like, like, telling Sun worshipers who celebrated the Winter Solstice's beginning of the return of the sun, that the real reason for the season was the birth of their god's kid!
    Oh wait - they did that too, didn't they?
    There were certainly a number of natural disasters in the distant past, that eradicated, at different times, 90% of all of the species on the planet, and life had to start all over, almost from scratch. It is also true that those events appear to be cyclical, and highly possible that whatever caused them, will occur again. Even if that doesn't happen, mathematical odds are very much in favor of one of the myriad asteroids and comets that orbit our sun, ultimately finding itself on a collision course with Earth, but now that Humans have entered the Space Age, there is a strong likelihood that by the time that occurs, if it occurs, we will have devised a way to prevent such a global disaster.
    I'm much more concerned with the enemy within, than the enemy without. By that, I mean that everyday, we Humans are moving this planet ever closer to a 2012-style disaster - whether it occurs in 2012 or 2025 - the approach of this planet to the point of global warming, beyond which, there is no return, no fixing it.
    I'm going to leave you with a poem, by Kenneth Ross, that I found long ago in a periodical, The Idaho Wildlife Review. I've since contacted them, in an effort to locate Mr. Ross and request permission to share his work, but they know no more than I do. I've made repeated phone calls to nearly every Ross in Idaho, without success. I'm reprinting his poem here, without Mr. Ross' permission, on the conviction that a man who could write so sensitively and insightfully, would not be the sort of person who would be angered by my sharing his very profound thoughts with you.

GENESIS . . . last chapter

In the end,
There was Earth, and it was with form and beauty.
And Man dwelt upon the lands of the Earth, among the meadows and the trees, and he said,
“Let us build our dwellings in this place of beauty.”
And he built cities and covered the Earth with concrete and steel.
And the meadows were gone.
And Man said, “It is good.”

On the second day, Man looked upon the waters of the Earth.
And Man said, “Let us put our wastes into the waters,
That the dirt will be washed away.”
And Man did.
And the waters became polluted and foul in their smell.
And Man said, “It is good.”

On the third day, Man looked upon the forests of the Earth
And saw that they were beautiful.
And Man said, “Let us cut the timber for our homes and grind the wood for our use.”
And Man did.
And the lands became barren and the trees were gone.
And Man said, “It is good.”

On the fourth day, Man saw that animals were in abundance
And ran in the fields and played in the sun.
And Man said, “Let us cage these animals for our amusement and kill them for our sport.”
And Man did.
And there were no more animals on the face of the Earth.
And Man said, “It is good.”

On the fifth day, Man breathed the sweet air of the Earth.
And Man said, “Let us dispose of our wastes into the air
So the winds might blow them away.”
And Man did.
And the air became filled with the smoke and the fumes could not be blown away.
And the air became heavy with dust, and choked and burned.
And Man said, “It is good.”

On the sixth day, Man saw himself, in skins of many colors;
And speaking many tongues and languages, and Man feared.
And that which he feared, he hated.
And Man said, “Let us build great machines of war and destroy these, lest they destroy us.”
And Man built great machines, and the Earth was fired with the rage of great wars.
And Man said, “It is good.”

On the seventh day, Man rested from his labors
And the Earth was still,
For Man no longer dwelt upon the Earth.
And it was good.

by Kenneth Ross
Reprinted from The Idaho Wildlife Review
May/June 1967

How will you spend 2012?

pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx